12/9 Reflection (Document ref.)
Today was the day we were graded on our document and site. Some of the problems I had was the amount of pronouns used in my paragraphs. In most of my paragraph there were multiple times when I used we, I , and us and that was the main thing that put my grades lower. Another thing I would like to improve is the bio under our picture. The advice that Mr. Paterson gave us was to talk about the qualifications that we have to make us valid to give this statements. One thing that is in my current bio is that I have lived in America for most of my life. But this was not enough as just living there was not enough to say that I can say anything. That is why in the revised version I would like to add the fact that I have been to over 10 different school over my life and so I know the small improvements that school make to make the life easier for the students. The last thing I was told to improve or change was the use of some words in the paragraph. For example I used the word wounded when it was better to use the word injured when we talked about getting injured when hitting the desks. My opinion of the reason why we changed it was because we wanted to change and raise our AWL.
Other than the paragraph, some things we needed to change was the introduction. One thing we especially needed to focus on was the thesis statement. This is because in our thesis we did not have the proper claim and the enough reason on why we needed to make the changes. The second thing we needed to change was the conclusion. When we wrote the conclusion we did not quite understand the difference of the conclusion and the summary but after the reflection we were able to understand the difference. In the summary we stated the reason and the solutions in a simple way, and in the conclusion we talked about why they should agree with us. The last thing we would like to improve is the sources that we used. We put the URL in the sources and not in MLA format so when we fix the sources, we would like to add more sources and improve the way we do them.
Other than the paragraph, some things we needed to change was the introduction. One thing we especially needed to focus on was the thesis statement. This is because in our thesis we did not have the proper claim and the enough reason on why we needed to make the changes. The second thing we needed to change was the conclusion. When we wrote the conclusion we did not quite understand the difference of the conclusion and the summary but after the reflection we were able to understand the difference. In the summary we stated the reason and the solutions in a simple way, and in the conclusion we talked about why they should agree with us. The last thing we would like to improve is the sources that we used. We put the URL in the sources and not in MLA format so when we fix the sources, we would like to add more sources and improve the way we do them.
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